Guest Blog - Staci Elliott

Staci is an old friend of mine from the high school years. She and Jason have been trailblazers amongst mine and John's group of friends with regards to the parenting field (which means they were the first of our friends to have chillun's). She read my last post, and sensed the desperation in my voice, and wrote the following email to me, and with her permission, I'm reprinting it here for you.


"I just read how life is going with Abbie going back to work, it seems that this may be a good time to pass on some of the things I learned from when Jen was in child care and while I was working in child care. I got really long winded in my initial email so this is a hopefully shorter rewrite.

From a child care provider perspective- Adjustment like what you guys are going through is normal. Every family goes through an adjustment. With things not working as you thought they would, Abbie not being able to work from home a couple days a week, it is going to be even harder. The hopefully encouraging part- with the 20 or so children I cared for I did not see an adjustment last more than 2-3 months. By then, both the child(ren) and the parents settled into the routine or decided that someone needed to be home with the child(ren) no matter what it took. The family I saw have the hardest time adjusting had even settled in by that time. They were a family of 4 children that went from having a live in nanny to having the two older children in a preschool and the younger 2 with us. All 4 children spent most of the first few weeks totally heart broken crying most of the time. They missed their nanny, their siblings and their home. After several conversations with the parents, we came up with a plan that got everyone settled in. All 4 children were very happy after we found what worked to make them feel safe and realize they would see their siblings and home at the end of the day.
With new babies, particularly first children, it was not uncommon for us to get calls from Mom with her sobbing saying she needed to come pick up her little one early. She couldn't stand the separation. She'd come, we'd talk for a while to calm her down before she got back behind the wheel of a car, assure her that she was okay and so was her little one, and go from there. Mondays were always the worst for separation issues. Some of the moms that came sobbing settled and stayed working outside the home, some of them became very happy stay at home moms.
A little tip that you might already be doing- on days when Abbie isn't with him, make sure he has a blanket (or something) with her scent that whoever has him can put on their shoulder/chest when they are holding him and cover him with for sleeping. With at least a couple of the babies I was responsible for this made a big difference for them. There is at least something that is "Mom" there. A little comfort can go a long way!
One size does not fit all. Each child and each family has their own needs for child care. If after the 2-3 months all or part of your family is still unhappy, it may be wise to look into what other options are available.

From a mommy's perspective- Know your child and listen to what he is telling you. Shut out what the rest of the world says you should or shouldn't do and listen to your heart. My biggest regret with Jen over the past 12+ years is letting someone else tell me what I should do with Jen and ignoring what I knew to be true. Same goes with Stephen.

The itching and not sleeping - Been there done that so you have my complete sympathy. All I have here is a cliche- This too shall pass.

I'll leave you with this one last thought- Our parents probably did try to warn us about what being a parent is like and we probably did ignore them. Having been a parent for 12+ years I can sum up parenthood with this- It is the toughest most heart wrenching job in the world but every minute of it is worth it. Yes, that includes the bad days. I think it was the Peace Corp that claimed it was the toughest job you will ever love. It is not so, parenting is the toughest job you will ever love.

Hang in there,
Staci"


By the way, Abbie's gotten permission from work to have two Fridays a month at home. There is some justice out there. G.G. is still with us on Fridays, but only those Fridays that Abbie's home, and the other Fridays, Cooper will spend the day with Ms. Cheryl, his daycare provider.